New Mom Not Giving Baby Shower Gift Dupes to Pregnant Sister Splits Views - Newsweek
A post about a woman who refused to donate her duplicate baby shower gifts to her pregnant half-sister, who "doesn't have as many family with expendable income or as many friends," has gone viral on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.
In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum under the username ourbabygifts, the woman said her husband's family and the couple's friends "went all out with the gifts" and "due to a mix up with the registry we ended up getting a lot of duplicate items as well."
A few days after the baby shower, the user said her pregnant half-sister, who is farther along in her pregnancy than the user, contacted her. She allegedly asked if she could have the duplicated gifts "since I didn't need them," the user said, noting that "she did not yet have many of the things I was gifted."
The user told her half-sister that she'd "planned on returning them for anything else we may want or need for our baby in the future." Her mother-in-law already took care of all the returns and either got the user money or store credit for the duplicate items.
Half-sibling relationships might be tricky to navigate, but perhaps not as much as full sibling relations, according to one Finnish study published in May 2016 in the peer-reviewed Frontiers in Sociology.
The study, which looked at 2,015 people from an older generation (aged from 62 to 67) and 1,565 people from a younger generation (mostly in their 20s to 40s), found that among the younger generation, "full siblings had more conflicts than half-siblings and maternal half-siblings more than paternal ones."
Among the older generation, "conflicts were more likely to be reported with full siblings compared to paternal half-siblings, while the difference between full siblings and maternal half-siblings was not statistically significant. Maternal half-siblings were more likely to have conflicts than paternal half-siblings."
The study said: "Notably, all these results held also after controlling for emotional closeness, contact frequencies, unequal parental treatment, and other demographic and socioeconomic family variables as well as for within-family effects."
The user in the latest viral Mumsnet post, which received over 240 responses, said: "Some of our family members now believe that I am being selfish since I have more than my half-sister and already have everything we need for our baby."
She and her half-sister "aren't particularly close and I am actually surprised she came" to the baby shower, the user noted.
She said her half-sister didn't get a baby shower as it's "not our [family's] tradition" and she "doesn't have as many family with expendable income or as many friends."
Some of the user's family members allegedly believe that since "my half-sister has dealt with having less than me her whole life (our dad was not as involved with her) I should support her more and help her out."
The user was allegedly told that she should have held off on returning the items "until this matter was settled...suggesting that I could have at least offered to sell them to my half-sister at a discount."
The user said she doesn't think it's "appropriate to give away gifts" given to her by friends and family, as "they were given with the expectation that they were for our child, not my sister's."
She said that she'd already given her half-sister a gift worth around £50 (around $54), "which, after looking for advice online and given our distant relationship, seemed appropriate."
Several Mumsnet users shared messages of support for the original poster.
KitchiHuritAngeni said: "The matter was settled. You told them what was happening with YOUR items...they are really unfair putting pressure on you to make up for someone else's failings."
BakedTattie: "I'd be pretty annoyed if I bought you a gift (one you requested!) and you gave it away. so YANBU [you are not being unreasonable]. Not at all."
Andromache77 said: "Those gifts were for you and more importantly, your baby...besides, she's your half-sister, not your daughter, it is not for you to equalize your situation..."
Others were more sympathetic towards the half-sister.
KimberleyClark said: "It's up to you what you do with the gifts, but I can't help feeling sorry for your half-sister. It sounds like she's had a bit of a raw deal through no fault of her."
Tangled123 said: "I think you had a chance to do something nice for someone and chose the more selfish option...I hope you're never in a position where you need something from your half-sister."
User mondaytosunday said: "I'd give her [the user's half-sister] a few things. Sounds like she could use the help, whereas you have more than enough."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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